


Valentine's Day, 2212

by DovK



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Android GLaDOS, F/F, Fluff, Illnesses, Robot/Human Relationships, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 19:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9623171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovK/pseuds/DovK
Summary: Date nights can be stressful. Especially with a stomach flu. Especially especially when your girlfriend is a murderous android.





	

“Where did you make reservations?” The note of panic in GLaDOS’s voice was bordering on full-fledged hysteria as she rummaged through her closet. “Did you say this place was black-tie? I don’t have ties. I wear dresses. I only ever wore a suit once, and it was only because you begged, and _we both agreed that the details of those activities were to stay between the two of us.”_

Chell grinned halfheartedly and sat down on the bed, watching her companion fret over which of her half-dozen nearly-identical black dresses she would wear. Normally, she would find a way to mock her girlfriend’s monochrome wardrobe, or at least tease her about the suit incident, but today she just felt like sitting on the bed and… doing nothing. Nothing sounded good. Her body ached, and her head felt abnormally light, and if she sat for just a minute, she’d feel a lot better.

“A dress will have to do,” continued GLaDOS, oblivious. “I’ll be sitting next to you, after all. By comparison, well – I don’t think anyone will have any arguments with my state of attire.” She turned to shoot Chell a smirk and started tearing things off of hangars, giving them a brief glance, and throwing them to the floor.

“It also might be a problem that I don’t have a heart, or like chocolate,” the android said, throwing an old ratty lab coat aside. “I gather those are important on dates. Oh, and I maaaaay not have a digestive system. If I were still in the testing facility mainframe, I would have a high-capacity industrial incinerator, which is almost the same thing as a digestive system, but can destroy bone and medical implants. That comes in handy.”

The talk of digestive systems wasn’t helping Chell very much. Her stomach was doing tiny flip-flops at every thought of the dinner that was coming up, and she felt weak – not from hunger, but like something had quite stealthily climbed inside her arms and legs and replaced the muscle with silly putty. She had been fighting this feeling all day, but now as she faced the idea of spending an entire evening out, things were getting worse.

At least GLaDOS appeared to have found a winner in her dress competition. Most of their combined wardrobe sat on the floor, but the android held one dress to her body, twisting this way and that to see how it looked, and turned to Chell when she seemed satisfied.

“I think this one is nice. It complements my synthetic skin-like polymers without making me seem like I’m some dolled-up Japanese sex rob–“ When her eyes met Chell’s unenthusiastic gaze, she cut herself off, her brow furrowing.

“Something’s wrong. Even for a mute, you’re being quiet.”

Chell shook her head and stood up on rubbery legs, smiling at GLaDOS – look, I’m fine, nothing to worry about! – and patted her shoulder. _Go ahead, dear, get dressed so we can get a move-on, the reservation’s for thirty minutes from now._

GLaDOS, however, did not buy this for an instant. It might have been her ability to see the thermal signature of whatever she looked at, or the dozens of times she’d experimentally infected the punch at Aperture Science/Black Mesa Intermural Breakdance Competitions with prototype superviruses, but she had a keen eye for the early symptoms of illness. She crooked an eyebrow at Chell.

“You know, if you’re sick, I’d prefer you tell me now. I’ve seen enough deadly epidemics to know that I don’t want to be around when they get started.”

Chell said nothing, and instead vomited on GLaDOS’s choice dress.

* * *

The pale android, back out of formal-wear, shook her head and threw the thermometer into Chell’s lap before sitting down next to her human with a low sigh.

“This wouldn’t happen if you just let me take your brain, deconstruct it, put your knowledge in a computer and build you a robot body. Of course, we couldn’t make a realistic copy of your body – I don’t think we can afford that much material – but we could fill your torso with lead, I suppose. You’d be almost as heavy, and just as toxic to everyone around you.”

It is exceptionally difficult to glare daggers at someone while sick and trying to hold a thermometer in your mouth, but Chell managed.

“Don’t give me that look.” GLaDOS huffed and glanced at the closet, still in total disarray. “I’m allowed to be a little disappointed. This was going to be the first time you actually took me on a date instead of futilely clinging to the notion that you’re not in love with your ex-nemesis.” She scowled. “I was looking forward to being a lady-killer rather than being killed by a lady.”

Chell’s shoulders sagged. It was true, this was supposed to have been a step forward. Before this, they had never done anything more romantic than going out for drinks. This night should have been something special, and the flu was perhaps the stupidest way for it to have fallen apart. She shrugged her shoulders and looked at the floor. You’re right. I’m sorry. I screwed it up. Before she even finished the gesture, though, GLaDOS’s arm was around her shoulders.

“I’m just kidding. Partially. You’re wonderful, even when you are building me up for a romantic evening and then covering me in your digestive fluids. Look at it this way: you can make every other human sick, and I’m immune. You’re the perfect vector for a biological weapon… much better than punch was,” she continued, her voice dropping to a disappointed murmur. “As it turns out, everyone spikes punch, and Zimbabwean Golden Ape Fever doesn’t take kindly to cheap vodka.”

Chell merely stared at that remark.

“Oh, don’t worry,” GLaDOS continued, half to herself. “You don’t have that. If you did, your organs would be a thin liquid slurry by now. You’d also be noticeably less capable of breakdancing.”

Chell knew better than to ask. 

The thermometer beeped to say it was done; Chell checked it, and handed it over, coughing for dramatic effect.

“39.1 Celsius. 102.4 made-up crazy degrees. Congratulations. You've ruined the evening."

Chell weakly raised her arms over her head. _Yay. I did it._

“Yes, yes,” GLaDOS sighed. “You’re the hero of our village. You have slain the romantic aspirations of a kind-hearted, caring robot lady person. Now let me get you some soup.”

Chell watched her leave, saw the slump of her shoulders, the resigned plod of her bare feet, and grimaced. She knew she had hurt her lover — her friend — but there wasn’t much she could do to make this better.

Well… maybe one thing.

* * *

“One dangerously hot bowl of Aperture Science Animal-Fat-Derived Nutrient Emulsion for one dangerously hot woman.” GLaDOS came back into the room, blowing the steam off the top of the broth she carried. “I mean ‘hot’ in that you have a fever, and also are attractive. But almost entirely because of the fever.”

Chell stood up, sniffled, and held out a small paper note, folded in half, covered in hearts.

GLaDOS eyed it suspiciously. She put the bowl of soup down on the end table, then turned back to Chell, eyes narrowed. She snatched the paper from Chell’s outstretched hand, frowned at the multitudinous hearts, shot a glare at her girlfriend, opened the note.

It read, in neatly-printed pink letters:

> _I’m sorry I ruined our wonderful day_  
>  _By covering you in a vomitous spray_  
>  _But the calendar’s young, and our love is too_  
>  _And the rest of the year I’ll be better to you._
> 
> _Happy Valentine’s Day,_  
>  _Chell_
> 
> _P.S.: I love you._

  


“You,” GLaDOS said, unable to suppress a smile. “You.”

_Me._ Chell kissed her girlfriend’s cheek.

“You are the world’s most infuriating human,” GLaDOS said, drawing her into a hug. “Did you know that? I hope you knew that. You manage to ruin everything, even hate. How can you ruin hate? Hate is the one thing I thought I’d always have.” She drew back, held Chell’s face in her hands. “But I don’t even hate you, you miserable, beautiful woman.”

Chell grinned. _I ‘don’t hate you’ too._

“Come on,” the android said, twirling on her heel. “Grab your soup and let’s watch TV. I’ll even let you grope my butt if you’re nice. But only because it’s Valentine’s Day.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, take a look at _[An Associated Euphoric Response](http://archiveofourown.org/works/253321)_ and _[We Can Both Despise](http://archiveofourown.org/works/269207)_ , my earlier two Portal works.
> 
>  
> 
> [CC BY-NC-SA 4.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/)


End file.
